01/07/2015

18:06

Days ago, for few days in a row I've got the same dream about a guy on my past. My eternal crush since I'm on 8th grade and he was on 7th on that time when I'm fancied on him. Blah. That was weird, because that kind of feeling just showed up from nowhere. I haven't met him, yet. The only thing I know that he's hilarious and I'm pretty sure he is smart af.

And well, that's true. 

Years later, on the late 2014 I made a huge mistake (yes, I called it a mistake). I've told him that I has a huge crush on him since long long loooong time ago, before he is a thing like nao (?). And he was curious about who am I (since I said it as an anonymous). I guess I'm pretty drunk, or maybe I've consumed too much sugar on that moment, then ended up telling some closed friends on him that it was me. And.... 

The end.
The sparks is gone.
They are all died.

You know, 

I guess it was my biggest failure since the day I was born :/

The only thing that I've learned from that shameless moment is: 

Not all of our thought should be spoken out.
Somehow, it better being keep on the deepest of your heart.
Just let it stay there.

Being a secret admire isn't that bad, though. 

And, 

I know that you'll not gonna read this (I guess you don't even know that this kind of blog is exist)

But just so you know, that failure was one of my reason that I'm out of my social medias I've had.  

Sigh. this inferiority complex somehow stressed to the bone of me. 

That *~internet~* things is somehow weird, and scary af. and I don't think that I'm ready enough to face it.