23/07/2016 16:20
Knowing that one of my old fellow no longer on my side was kind of sad, tbh.
But that's okay! I'm not that close with her either.
...Well, thinking about it now, we're only close for about 2 weeks.
Ok move!
Just mins before I start to write this things up, I stumbled upon one of people I know in University year. Not so close friend of mine, but I know her because her vibe was great and I like the way she acts in society, long story short, I'm not the only one who adored her. Everyone does. She got that kind of vibe when someone saw her face, they could agree that this person is the most warm-hearted, calm, and all good things people imagine on ideal woman.
But, that's not the point I made this up.
It's because after (almost) six months after I finished my study, here comes the news about friends being engange or married, one by one. I haven't expected I'm already on this stage of life that somehow it make me cringes so hard, looking back on myself that still not so different from people on their early puberty ages.
One by one people around me start to settled down with someone.
Yet I'm still busy with my own. Well, not so busy actually. But I don't even see myself being married in the near time, and I feel bad having this kind of thought. There's still lots of thing I should have achieved before I settled down with someone, and by settled --that means I would be no longer being my whole self. I'm belong to someone, and there could be limitation for everything I do in life.
I've got night talk with meika few days ago.
Basically our talk just focus on how's her trips in Japan, and how she really likes it by the time she visit bar and there's cute boy on it. I forgot what did I say to her, but her answer still longing on my head up 'till now. Talking about guys, or any platonic relationship.. Meika and me is basically quiet same. But she's more ??? ugh how do I describe it, she has her own motto, "Now or never" so, once she likes someone, she'll go hard on him. And the way she show her affection is totally no joke. Meanwhile, I'm the opposite of it. I'm more into passive-aggresive during this kind of relationship.
That time,
Meika (the girl who's easily bored in relationship) told me that even her personality is that way, she really hope that she could settled down with someone and having happy family in the end. I rolled my eyes, thought that it....was...yeah. I really hope that way too. Who doesn't? But how?
Then days later after those call,
Mom told me that some neighbors being nosy. Boasted around that their child is one by one getting married in near time, and they asked mom where will one of their kid be in the same stage of life like theirs. I was like..yeah? Good for you then.
In the same day,
HM called me after a verrrrry long time we never talk. He basically busy with his work --he said. And for the first time, we've got more than 1 hours call that night. I still remember that he jokingly said he'll planned to get married in the next 1 year if that's possible. And it's actually the time I visit him. Not trying to be over the cloud, but he agreed with the idea that he will prepare something on that day. And if my life were having that kind of scenes like in the "The Office" series, I don't know how many times I stared on the camera and make a self-talk... "Damn, here come another BS..."
It's not like I don't like being entertained with that kind of words.
Oh my god lord I really do. I'm that simple human being that get happy with the smallest acts and simple words. In this kind of state, you probably already guessed how far I am fly away above the sky.
But that's a joke, honey.
That prick is just make a fun on me like we usually do each other.
And the conclusion of this post?
No, Nothing. There's no conclusion for this.
I'm just fed up with people and..why do they even bother if I have plan to continue my study rather than settled down with someone? why?
16/07/2016 22:12
To make it short,I just do not want to be a burden for anyone.
I just do not want them to wasted their time to listened all of my BS.
06/07/2016 14:19
I was stressed related to job matter and it come to the point that I even do not know what to do then ended up crying. No, don't take it wrong. It's not like I'm failed, or something like that. But the opposite, which is...good? Not really.
June was a rrrrreally super duper mega ultra good month for me. It's like all of my lucks were happened on that holy month. I got two job offer, and one of them was on my dream Company. But turns out something happened *personal matter, on me* that made me decided to called-off the offer and take more time to think about the main purpose I'm looking for job.
Mum kept telling me she was okay with any kind of decision I've made in the end. So are my other family member and all of my fellas. But it wasn't as easy as that. I keep going back-and-forth considering which one is better compared to other one, and it's not happened once. Can you imagine that? Probably no. No one understand me. No one understand my feeling! *emo mode* lel jk.
I'm not perfectionist.
But I hate it, if I did something, and the other parties do not like it, or the other parties simply do not satisfied with my kind of work. They called it perfectionist, but I don't think I am. It's more like insecure with my own, don't you think so?
Ok, let's wrap up this job-matter-topic, and move to the other one.
The weather is so unpredictable lately. It could be so daymmm hot in the morning till 'noon, but ended up raining hard in the afternoon till 'midnight. Mannn I'm that kind of person who once seeing the sky turned gray, I'm not even trying to out of my room. And because of this weather-matter, there used to be a lil' argument between me and kayla once we're planned to go buka bersama weeks ago. Males banget da? (the weather, I mean)
I know exactly what she were sent to me. Bunch pictures of my dearest manly cutie pie, Yuto-chan!
Oh, how I miss that guy (and kwan, too!), but remembering our old times, it really annoyed me that almost all the time he always sticks out with HJ. Like, who wasn't?? Every guys seems like attracted to her???
Sigh.
I miss talking with all of old fellas, but I know exactly what will happened in just 5 mins of our conversation. You know, that kind of conversation that just ended, "Ok! *insert cute emoticon*" or "*insert hug stickers* or the worst kind of texter [me] *just read the message without reply it*
I was stressed related to job matter and it come to the point that I even do not know what to do then ended up crying. No, don't take it wrong. It's not like I'm failed, or something like that. But the opposite, which is...good? Not really.
June was a rrrrreally super duper mega ultra good month for me. It's like all of my lucks were happened on that holy month. I got two job offer, and one of them was on my dream Company. But turns out something happened *personal matter, on me* that made me decided to called-off the offer and take more time to think about the main purpose I'm looking for job.
Mum kept telling me she was okay with any kind of decision I've made in the end. So are my other family member and all of my fellas. But it wasn't as easy as that. I keep going back-and-forth considering which one is better compared to other one, and it's not happened once. Can you imagine that? Probably no. No one understand me. No one understand my feeling! *emo mode* lel jk.
I'm not perfectionist.
But I hate it, if I did something, and the other parties do not like it, or the other parties simply do not satisfied with my kind of work. They called it perfectionist, but I don't think I am. It's more like insecure with my own, don't you think so?
Ok, let's wrap up this job-matter-topic, and move to the other one.
The weather is so unpredictable lately. It could be so daymmm hot in the morning till 'noon, but ended up raining hard in the afternoon till 'midnight. Mannn I'm that kind of person who once seeing the sky turned gray, I'm not even trying to out of my room. And because of this weather-matter, there used to be a lil' argument between me and kayla once we're planned to go buka bersama weeks ago. Males banget da? (the weather, I mean)
I know exactly what she were sent to me. Bunch pictures of my dearest manly cutie pie, Yuto-chan!
Oh, how I miss that guy (and kwan, too!), but remembering our old times, it really annoyed me that almost all the time he always sticks out with HJ. Like, who wasn't?? Every guys seems like attracted to her???
Sigh.
I miss talking with all of old fellas, but I know exactly what will happened in just 5 mins of our conversation. You know, that kind of conversation that just ended, "Ok! *insert cute emoticon*" or "*insert hug stickers* or the worst kind of texter [me] *just read the message without reply it*