22/05/2020

23:52

It's 2 years already since the last time I checked in to this page
I kept checking my blog sometimes just to remember how cringy my past was lol

In these past 2 years, you may ask, what was happened?  Well, a lot. 

1)
I thought I might give up right after the probation period on the job I took in mid-2017, but look where I am now lol funny. I kept telling myself I will give it up soon, after the fiscal year, after lebaran, after new year started and blah. Never happened. and we're in the middle of the pandemic at the moment I'm writing this, so yes, I'm stuck. I guess I need to stay a bit longer than my plan was..

2)
I was planned to continue my study, some people who know me well probably already know where the destination country was, and yes, I tried 2 times, and I passed on the second chance. Yay! now you may ask why I didn't take it further. '

3)
My dad passed away.
It was in early March 2019. I know he was sick for quite a long time, and he suffered a lot all this time. I was in the middle of waiting for my scholarship result and his condition didn't get any better. It was 2 in the morning when I heard him whispered to my mum, he would felt bad if he left us, especially mum alone, knowing I will move to another country for about 2 years+ to continue my study. My heart aches.

I don't know how to explain the feelings.
I kept staying beside him until his very last breath. and until I can't see him anymore.
I was an ass for the whole of my life, selfish, and lack of empathy towards him. I'm an asshole. I never thought I'm a good daughter for him, but even until the end of his life, he kept saying I'm the best thing that ever happened to him and he was proud of me.

I didn't say I'm over it.
I pretend I'm okay, even after 7 days' leave of grief, I started to laugh, being cheerful and pretend all is good once I'm back to my routine.
I never cried ever since, every time mum talking about him, I didn't respond any of her words and pretend it was all over and we shouldn't talk further about it. I know she still cry on her sleep once in a while, and thinking after all this time it's only her who's still grieving and missing my dad so bad.

She is wrong.

4)
It's really hard to find someone, a friend who truly support your life decision.
I just realized it lately. The one who doesn't talk bad about your decision about things.
But glad I have Dita, who always got my back and criticize me for something if she knows it's bad and mainly doing it for my own good.
I have Kayla, Fiori, Ica.
I have Nurul and Michelle; even we haven't talked for quite a while I know they're always genuine when they wish something good happened on me.

 5)
High school and University me who always dreaming about having foreigner bf? lol
I talk a lot about my crush on my old post in this blog. But it's a different story for the relationship.

There was K, Korean, he's a year younger than me, it doesn't take long for us to get into a relationship and our meeting at airport was awkward lol I was imagine for a hug and kisses but we just ended up hug in tight and go directly to the taxi. We got scolded for being holding hands in the Museum!! >:(
He brought me quite big dolls of one of Korean character and that, my friend, that's the very first time I felt so loved for having someone brought me such a big gift :(

There was J, Korean, he's 3 years younger than me (lol), we start to get along as a very good friend, he has a very good taste in music and his dream is being a song composer. He talks a lot about mixing sounds and etc, which was quite a new thing for me. Back then he was a Katusha and we don't have much time to make a phone call because he got a roommate in his base.
He's mature enough for his age when it comes to handling my extreme mood swing. We got into a fight sometimes because he's sometimes being an idiot and have zero nunchi. We have a big fight on the day my dad passed away, and me being overwhelmed with life, we broke up.
Fast forwards months later, we get back again and having a good time in Korea. He handles me with care (lol) and I love how weird he could be sometimes, like all of sudden he could go to "babe let's holding hand" or when we're waiting for the traffic light or in the subway, with him being sulky "can you kiss me" lmao.

There was F, Korean, finally someone older than me! I told him already I have plan to visit Korea but I haven't told him the exact date. I know him for quite a while, but we never talk because dude seems like a weirdo who only talks when he needs to. He's good looking but every time we talk, there must be him sending his recent photo of him and I found it weird (like for what?), and when it wasn't vice versa from my side, he deleted the picture he sent and stop talking (wth?) 
So it was just few hours after I landed in Korea and my first plan was staying in my friend's house on day one, but since the person was dumb, I ended up have no place to sleep. Me, being totally dumbfounded and kinda annoyed, strolling my luggage all around Hongdae to find any cheap place to stay. The whole body becomes sticky with sweats, it was 12am already and this F guy suddenly katalk me saying what's up when will I arrived in Korea? and I told him I already am. Here, in Hongdae. Got no place to sleep.
and he was like "OK STAY RIGHT THERE I'LL BE THERE IN A MINS". I kid you not, my panic attack was really happened I was vibrating so bad like old Nokia in the mids of hundreds of young people in Hongdae.
And when we finally see each other. My heart.... //facepalm//
He looks nice and he doesn't look like a weird person like I thought he was.
TL;DR he's rich as fuck.
It was the very first time I used Kiehl as my face wash, and it was on his visitor's bathroom.
And he asks me if I need some change for clothes while handling me a shirt. KENZO, bruh.
TL;DR i was so starstruck and I feel bad for moving too much on his place, so many expensive things I'm so afraid I would break something..

There was S, Korean, older than me, I told him I was ready, already waited for him in front of my apartment, it was like a normal day, with many cars being here and there, the ordinary one, to the looks very expensive one. And there come to one Ford Mustang that stops in front of me while I'm just minding my own business. I thought it was for someone near there, and there, there was a guy coming out from it.  For a sec I thought it was Ju Ji Hoon. I look around, trying to find possibility if there's a pretty eonni waiting for his boyfriend picked her up. NOTHING.
and there, I heard it, "Rosi let's go." and I WAS LIKE ?????????????????????? ME?????
TL;DR he smells so good and everything tastes like heaven. lol

 --
and last.
I usually didn't talk much about my personal life, nor my love life.
At the moment I'm writing this, I'm in the middle of relationship with a Japanese man, but I wouldn't describe it further because there's nothing good at it. He also plans to continue his master to the UK and he avoids having a depth talk about "what if" for our next.

So, that's it the whole update from me, up till today.
I miss blogging so much.
I hope I could update it more :<